November is here!

Let me just say how super excited I am about November...

I'm promising myself i would make a real effort starting from today, that i would;

- eat less carbs

- Go to the gym at least once a week.
- try to cook breakfast and dinner for Muuzi everyday, not just once in awhile.

Wish me luck! :D

ps: My baby boy is 10 months old today. He's is honestly growing up to be quite the young prince charming. He loves to kiss my cheeks and nibble on my chin with his 4 little teeth. I love him SO much. it's unreal that we could love someone so much.

.

Project Me Me Me.

Ever since i've started working again, ive decided to be kind to myself and start rewarding myself from time to time. I've also decided to put some serious effort into my appearance, because lets face it. i've definitely been too comfortable and i've let myself go. (as you can see in this picture taken below.)

As you can CLEARLY see in this picture
- my hair is dry and gross.
- I'm horrendously overweight... last night i scaled in at a whopping 90kgs.   Woh.
- my skin is dull and pale
- my back hurts all the time
- my bones are creaky (ok, this cannot see, but im telling you)
- as you can see, my neck is slowly vanishing as my chin expands. Not acceptable.
- and somehow i feel like my teeth have moved and my gums are receding, making my more 'jongang' than i previously was.

And to be fair, most of these are due to poor maintenance of myself after giving birth
ie: not drinking enuff milk. hence the creaky bones and the receeding gums due to an iron defiency i had during my pregnancy

my gym membership has been on hold for the past few months, so this November its going to be reactivated. And i will have no excuse but to go and get fit! 

I've been slowly paying more attention my skin and hair, more conditioning, using moisturizer before i sleep, those kind of things. However i found this GNC Hair, Skin & Nails Formula Supplement... does anyone know if it works? I was thinking of trying it out and see if it works. I've read mostly positive reviews so far.

I also recently had a haircut with bangs, which helped frame my face back a bit... so it doesn't look as huge as it did in the above photo.

As for my teeth, it's pretty obvious the solution is 'GO TO THE DENTIST'. But i'm stubborn and maybe i tiny bit afraid.. Which is so embarrassing as i am a grown woman.

Haih, no worries. Slowly but surely, i am going to fix all these things about myself, and hopefully be the happier, and no doubt hotter wife and mother. :)

If you can't beat them, join them...

I have decided to take a new approach to my situation...

While i find a way to loose all this extra weight, i am just going to see the glass as half full.

Example: Instead of going 'F*** you im not pregnant!', i'm going go 'Hey, thank you for the free seat'..

Life feels brighter already :)

Seriously...

Should i just get this shirt and get it over with?

It still keeps happening to me. It is soooo embarrassing. Now i tend to stay near the door, and not make eye contact, so no one offers me their seat. Something has to be done.

This is freaking ridiculous.

Frumplestilskin...

I'm currently losing a battle with myself...

Everyday, i'm looking, therefore feeling more, and more... like a makcik.

Not Makcik like... 'hi, this is ayesha, my makcik' but more like... 'hi, this is ayesha, THE MAKCIK'...

In a effort to please my elders, i have started to dress a certain way... mostly, because it makes them happy, and secondly, i dont really want to argue about style.. because it would be pointless, and lastly, i havent lost my ideal amount of weight since the pregnancy, and frankly, im still wearing most of my maternity clothes.

I feel my self esteem has taken a dive for the worst, i dont feel like going out, because i have nothing to wear, and i dont really want to meet up with people, cuz i feel awkward out there in public.

And now, whenever i do get a chance to shop, i don't... because i feel pretty things look ridiculous on me. And i feel horrible most of the time.... the only new clothes i get is if people buy them for me, and it's usually too big, but i wear them anyway..... until one day i realise, to my horror... it has started to fit.

I don't feel like that confident, funny girl, who bagged this amazing man.. I am not this shy recluse, whos more snide than funny... I am not a MAKCIK. I refuse to go down with out a fight.

So starting today!! Im going to work on losing the FRUMPY-ness...

No more giant BROWN clothes... that look, and feel like burlaps.

No more excuses about not going to the gym.....

No more living like a hermit, and refusing to go out..

No more.

I absolutely refuse to feel insecure about how i look anymore... it's not like me. If i can do something about it, i damn well will do it.

My 30 before 30 list

In a few days, i turn 27 years old. Gaaaahhhhhh...

It's so crazy how this last few years have just flown by... and in three years, i'll be reaching the big 3-0, so i thought it would be fun to make a list of things have yet/would like to accomplish before i turn 30.

Obviously, i've done the big ticket items... like, get married, get a baby. But there's SO MUCH MORE that i want to achieve/do before i turn 30..

1. Own a house
2. Learn to cook awesome Nasi Lemak.
3. Get a cat!
4. Go hiking
5. Reach your target weight!!!
6. Master cooking up a gourmet 5-course meal.
7. Learn to surf.
8. Go Deep Sea Diving
9. Start a business
10. Learn Yoga
11. Create a canvas acrylic painting
12. Fly a kite
13. Own something ridiculous
14. Go to Bali
15. Take pole dancing lessons.
16. Go to Greece
17. See a historic monument
18.Visit the relatives in the UK
19. Spend an entire day at a spa
20. Rock out at a foreign music festival.
21. Master a karaoke song. Flawlessly.
22. Learn guitar.
23. Learn to sew my own clothes.
24. Actually drive out of town... (amazingly haven't done this yet)
25. Go fruit/apple picking in an orchard with Mahdi.
26. Learn a foreign language.
27. Watch the cherry blossoms bloom in Japan
28. Try fancy sushi/sashimi (not the generic crabmayo ones)
29. Bathe in a waterfall
30. Have another baby. :)

Life on the Fab lane.

I've been doing a LOT of thinking lately,

About my future, and all sorts of things.

I have never like to be dependent on anyone for anything.. when we were dating, it took me awhile to get used to Muuzi paying for stuff. I'd usually have to fight him for the check.

Now, eventho i'm so thankful to him, that i have been given the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom (a job a lot of my friends really want btw)... i somehow feel bad that i can't contribute to the house and it's kinda freaking me out that my resume will be completely blank from here onwards.

Eventho my freelance jobs are great so far, and i'm working on some projects with Pizzzamagazine.com and Northern Music Festival (more on this soon), but i have still have this feeling that im not stable.

So im thinking of starting my own online business. i want to sell all the adorable things i find. Baby stuff, Moms stuff, eventually i'd like to start designing my own things to sell, those dreams are probably too big for now but u know what they say, DREAM BIG.

Problem is, i'm having a hard time coming up with a cool name for the business and domain name.

Anyone have any ideas?

I was thinking of maybe calling it www.hotmamas.com.my, but its still only a working title.

If Kimora Lee can do it, why can't we...

 

Obviously, the ultimate Hotmama

 

Me and my FLAT hair...

I need to go to a saloon and/or the gym....

or least go out and let my hair soak up some good old vitamin D (which comes from the sun, fyi)...

All this staying indoors is making my hair very flat, dull and lifeless... not to mention making me fat and lazy.

Seriously, i went from THIS....

     to this 

WTH!!

Lets not even get into the fact that picture 1, is about 10kgs lighter than picture 2.....

THIS IS UNfriggin ACCEPTABLE!!!!! I gotta do something about this now before this....

 

turns into

 

THIS!!!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

1 month into 2012...

What... It's february already?? Where does the time go?

My baby boy is getting so big now... It's unbelievable. I'm going to be biased and say he's the best baby in the world..

In all the hoopla of the delivery, pantang and adapting to motherhood.. I realized tht i never made a list of my New Year resolutions.

Here goes.. My 2012 New Years resolution!
- Lose the pregnancy weight...
- go to the freakin gym that u've been paying for blindly for the last year.
- Cook at home more...
- Learn masakan melayu
- Learn to bake!
- Be an awesome mom
- Refresh on photography skills
- Be there for your friends.
- Be a better wife.
- Be a happier person in general.. ( Muuzi says i frown a lot.. and i always look unhappy, which is something he says Mahdi gets from me... This must change.)
- Be POSITIVE!
- Do more vector work..
- Start concentrating on freelancing and writing for pizzzamagazine.com
- Travel more Or at least try.
- stop dressing like a hipster teenager.. And realize u are a 27 year old mother this year and should start acting and dressing like an adult (about time too)

Life goes on

I apologize for my lack of updates of late.

It's not that i've been busy, it's just that i didn't have much to say.

Well, that's not true either, i have a lot of things to say, most of which i've kept pretty much to myself.

Today is the last day of my first trimester. Which simply means i'm three months into my pregnancy and i'm feeling a lot (A LOT) better...

The morning ALL DAY sickness i've been experiencing has finally given up in making my life miserable.

Me and Muuzi are planing to move by the end of july, so im pretty excited about that.

I've been unemployed for the last month, and i have to say, having ample free time on your hands isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I really miss working. I really need to get some personal projects started or i will lose my mind... or worse, be a permanent couch vegetable. (i.e: potato)

Tragedi Berulang Lagi...

Gemuk. Gila.

No, I'm not being emotional about it, but yes being fat is driving me crazy... i keep complaining like a bitch about it. But NOT really doing anything about it.

I tried to hop on the Diet Train, i was working for a bit till i fell off and began binging miserably on deliciously satisfying fatty foods. EVIL.

I joined a gym in hopes that finally having to PAY for fitness will encourage me to start paying more attention to my deteriorating body, but i have yet to step foot in the gym while blindly paying the RM185 a month out of guilt. I'm so Pathetic. Seriously.

Anyway, today i bravely stepped on the scale that i had been avoiding this pass few months. No surprise the number shown was the largest it has ever been for me – 89kg's.

No one else to blame but myself really. I let myself get this way.

It does seem superficial to some but my weight gain has changed me in a way, i'm shy around new people, i don't like to go out as much as i used to, my self esteem has taken a turn for the worst and really, it wasn't that great to begin with..

I'm becoming someone that doesn't want to be around people, and in return people are starting to dislike being around me.

Even Muuzi has seen these changes in me, and has more than once told me that i've become a negative force that is just miserable to be around. Summore it's not just my attitude but my total health in general is suffering, i get shortness of breath when i walk up to my office on the first floor, my back hurts constantly because of all the extra weight and according to some people i am starting to develop a snoring habit..... i suppose that's where i draw the line.

Anyhow, this has to end! Why put it off right?

I miss being happy about buying new clothes and going shopping, now i mostly just cringe at the thought of entering a shop, since size is always an issue.

I've been reading Alia's Dukan Blog, which is really motivating, she's lost  and she posted up this link that calculates your entire health in a summary.

Your Personal Summary

• Gender: Female
• Height: 5' 7"
• Age: 25
• Current Weight: 196 (89kgs)
• Current Pant Size: 16
• Weight Goal: Lose 2 pounds per week
• BMI: 30.7
• Waist to Height Ratio: 0.54
• Healthy Body Weight Range: 118 and 159 (52-72kgs)
• Target Heart Rate: 98 to 146 (89kgs)
• Target Caloric Intake to Meet Weight Goal: 1200

I miss this girl... can i be like this again pls??

By this i mean, confident and not bitter.

2011 resolutions.

2010 was a tough year, financially, emotionally, psychically, socially.

Basically 2010 sucked.

Sure, we got married this year, but adapting as a newly married couple was tough at first.

But we learned A LOT from each other, he learned to be more thrifty with his money, and i learned that some arguments are not worth having (there's always a bigger picture).

This year i made a lot of new friends, but also lost a friend who is so dear to my heart. Getting married really shows you who your real friends are, now that you are not that cool-party-girl anymore. Some might bail on you, and find 'cooler' more happening friends, but the ones that are still there are the once you will keep for life. :)

Typical with my attitude towards blogging in 2010, i failed to write up new year resolutions, which is probably why 2010 was such a sucky year.

So this year, i'm not making the same mistakes!

I present to you my 2011 Resolutions!!

On the EVE of 2011 i pledge to..

• to loose weight. Seriously, this is the MOST IMPORTANT THING i must accomplish on the LIST! I cannot STRESS on how freaking important this is!!
• I must start a proper fitness regime & learn to eat right.
• Must blog more often.
• Must go back to melawati/tropicana more often. Not only once a month. Being at this stage in life you realize how important family is.
• to be featured on a magazine.
• Get an Iphone.. or a blackberry, I can never make up my mind about this. :P
• Become an Art Director.
• Vector more!
• To Travel MORE!!!!!
• Be a better wife, daughter, sister, cucu, friend.
• Work on pizzza magazine more!
• Go out with friends more!!
• Go to at least 1 tweetup, blogger, visionmsia (deviantart) event this year.
• get my portfolio up and running.
• not tweet/fb with anger or under the influence.
• find ehsan a girlfriend. like seriously. or at least lepak with him more often.
• be nicer to ezani, since he's gonna be my brother in law reeeeaaalllllyyy  soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERBODY.

Previous Resolutions

2009

2008

2007