Frumplestilskin...

I'm currently losing a battle with myself...

Everyday, i'm looking, therefore feeling more, and more... like a makcik.

Not Makcik like... 'hi, this is ayesha, my makcik' but more like... 'hi, this is ayesha, THE MAKCIK'...

In a effort to please my elders, i have started to dress a certain way... mostly, because it makes them happy, and secondly, i dont really want to argue about style.. because it would be pointless, and lastly, i havent lost my ideal amount of weight since the pregnancy, and frankly, im still wearing most of my maternity clothes.

I feel my self esteem has taken a dive for the worst, i dont feel like going out, because i have nothing to wear, and i dont really want to meet up with people, cuz i feel awkward out there in public.

And now, whenever i do get a chance to shop, i don't... because i feel pretty things look ridiculous on me. And i feel horrible most of the time.... the only new clothes i get is if people buy them for me, and it's usually too big, but i wear them anyway..... until one day i realise, to my horror... it has started to fit.

I don't feel like that confident, funny girl, who bagged this amazing man.. I am not this shy recluse, whos more snide than funny... I am not a MAKCIK. I refuse to go down with out a fight.

So starting today!! Im going to work on losing the FRUMPY-ness...

No more giant BROWN clothes... that look, and feel like burlaps.

No more excuses about not going to the gym.....

No more living like a hermit, and refusing to go out..

No more.

I absolutely refuse to feel insecure about how i look anymore... it's not like me. If i can do something about it, i damn well will do it.

Life on the Fab lane.

I've been doing a LOT of thinking lately,

About my future, and all sorts of things.

I have never like to be dependent on anyone for anything.. when we were dating, it took me awhile to get used to Muuzi paying for stuff. I'd usually have to fight him for the check.

Now, eventho i'm so thankful to him, that i have been given the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom (a job a lot of my friends really want btw)... i somehow feel bad that i can't contribute to the house and it's kinda freaking me out that my resume will be completely blank from here onwards.

Eventho my freelance jobs are great so far, and i'm working on some projects with Pizzzamagazine.com and Northern Music Festival (more on this soon), but i have still have this feeling that im not stable.

So im thinking of starting my own online business. i want to sell all the adorable things i find. Baby stuff, Moms stuff, eventually i'd like to start designing my own things to sell, those dreams are probably too big for now but u know what they say, DREAM BIG.

Problem is, i'm having a hard time coming up with a cool name for the business and domain name.

Anyone have any ideas?

I was thinking of maybe calling it www.hotmamas.com.my, but its still only a working title.

If Kimora Lee can do it, why can't we...

 

Obviously, the ultimate Hotmama