To the loves of my life...

It's Valentines Day, and since people make a big deal about celebrating it these days, i think it's a time to reflect on the love aspect, not the history of it. Besides, it's not the day that matters, but the reminder that you have special people in your life and you should acknowledge, and tell them you love them.... before it's too late.

And since i'm spending this day in the hospital watching over Muuzi and Mahdi as they sleep, it makes me feel so grateful that they are in my life.

For better or for worst. We are family. :)

Happy V Day.

Pray for Alda

This is so sad,

While Muuzi was in the hospital (Damansara Specialist), we found out that another of our friends, Alda was also admitted in DSH.

Apparently Alda collapsed, and is currently still unconscious.. he is only 29 years old.

This event has me reevaluating my life.

I've been bugging Muuzi to do something about his weight, cuz it's because of his size, that he's prone to all sorts of health issues... but then we get news bout someone like Alda, who seems completely fit and healthy, but suddenly his brain bleeds and ends up in a coma.

I will never complain again. I'm glad that Muuzi has something that is treatable, and i will do my best to make sure he gets better..

My prayers go to Alda and his family, and hopefully he'll recover soon.

If u'd like to find out more about Alda and his condition join this FB group.

Sigh...

I've been in hell the last few days...

Mahdi had a slight fever (after his immunization shot), and has been needing a LOT of attention, and for some unexplained reason, suddenly is refusing to drink from his bottle... and to make matters worst, Muuzi was admitted in the hospital since Monday.. for a Gallbladder infection.

I've been shuffling back and forth with the baby to the hospital because i can't leave him at home, cuz as i mentioned he's refusing to bottlefeed. So i have to bring him everywhere i go, which is incredibly tiring....

Especially since Muuzi needs me now...

I felt like such a bad wife, leaving him to sleep alone in the hospital all those nights.. but i know Muuzi understands that Mahdi needs me more right now.

 

Mahdi all bundled up to visit ayah at DSH.

 

Muuzi in his hospital scrubs before he got discharged..

Luckily Muuzi is out now, and resting up at home, and Mahdi is back to his usual happy self. With the exception that he STILL won't drink from his bottle. Haih.

How la? Any moms out there who know how to go about this?

The Delivery Story

I had been having these painful but apparently 'mild' contractions for the pass two days.. And as a result i hadn't had a good nights rest since.

I was a bit upset that my due date had passed with no sign of the baby.. So i had gone to sleep early (if u can call waking up every few mins in pain sleep.)

Anyway, i was almost asleep when i felt this searing pain in my abdomen.. Muuzi (who was in the living room) rushed into the bedroom, cuz apparently i had let out a scream of pain in my sleep..

Muuzi decided we should go to the hospital.. Again.

I wasn't too crazy about the idea of being told to go home after another round of poking and proding.. But i figured the hospital would prolly have painkillers that could b useful.

Sidetrack for a bit...
On our way to the hospital i told Muuzi to drive slowly, because i didn't want to rush there only to be told to go home.. So we took a slow drive to Selayang and were just about to turn into a flyover when suddenly, almost like slow motion.. There was this guy on a superbike that fell a few feet from us, his bike did cartwheels in flames in front of our car. While the driver skidded into the divider.. We were both so shocked and wanted to stop, but we had already entered the flyover.. And i was still having painful contractions. Luckily i saw a few cars that were behind us stopped to help the motorcyclist.. I keep thinking if we had been speeding that night, without a doubt, that cartwheeling superbike would have hit us for sure!

We arrived at the hospital about 2am, i was poked and proded as usual, but the suddenly the baby's heartbeat monitor started beeping and all the doctors and nurses started panicking around me... Nobody was telling me why it was beeping, which was annoying.

From the chatter, i realised that i was 4cm dilated and the baby was ready to come out, but the real panic was because they were discussing whether they should call Dr Roslan at 2am to deliver my baby.

Ps: Turns out, Dr Roslan was the head of the entire OBGYN department.. Meaning he was everyones boss.. And they seemed terrified at the thought of waking him up at 2am to tell him the news.

Finally they asked a senior dr (not Dr. Roslan) and decided to burst my water bag and wait for me to dilate somemore before calling Dr. Roslan at a more godly hour.

When my water bag was burst, it was uncomfortable... Hot liquid was streaming down. I started panicking... 'omg this is finally happening!'. The nurses told Muuzi to get my things, cuz we were finally going to the labor room. Muuzi had his calm face on, but i could tell he was freaking out.

We waited in the labor room for a few hours then at 4am a female Dr came in to check on me... Turns out i was still at 4cm so she gave me oxytocin to induce the labor and make dilate faster. I did not know that this meant harder, faster, stronger contractions... At one point the contraction was so painful that i literally wanted to scream out loud.. Muuzi kept me calm and told me to concentrate on my breathing (which helped a lot).

Anyway, that went on for another 4 hours when finally Dr Roslan came to check on me at 8am. I was so relieved to see him, unfortunately he didnt have good news.. I still had not dilated and was still at 4cm. He said i would need to have an emergency C Section immediately.

As soon as we agreed, i was prepped and rolled into the operating room. I was terrified and more so when i found out Muuzi couldnt be there with me.

I considered having a General Anaestetic.. So i wouldnt know what was going on but went with a spinal tap instead. I was shaking, from the fear, the still painful contractions and the fact that i was suddenly naked in a room full of people... Plus it was really cold.

As soon as the anaesteolgist did the tap i was numb from the waist down. The pain from the contractions completely stopped, it was so relaxing that i almost fell asleep. About 30 mins into the procedure i felt this jerking feeling on my abs then i heard Dr Roslan announce that the baby was out using Forceps.. A few seconds later i heard this faint cry of my baby.

Unashamed of it, i got all choked up and started crying as well (discreetly). I was relieved, but at the same time i was overwhelmed. OMG I have a son! I looked around but i couldn't see the baby, which made me want to cry even more. Suddenly the nurse came next to me and showed me this tiny pale little man. He looked at me thru his tiny sepet eyes and i said 'hi mahdi boy' :) (not an ideal story, but soon after that, i threw up... prolly due to fatigue and the fact that my stomach was stil opened on the table..)

I had some complications during the surgery, apparently my uterus did not contract normally so the placenta didn't come out naturally like it should. Dr Roslan had to take it out manually, and i lost a lot of blood... So after everything was done, i had to have 2 pints of blood transfused. Baby boy had a tiny scar on his forehead because of the forceps used.. but Dr. says it will go away by itself.

My labor was a long, painful and some parts were funny... but at the end of it, i got the most amazing little 'bundle of joy'.... But would i want to go thru all that again for another baby?

-Maybe.

Cracked to hell...

I never thought i would ever feel a worse pain than the contractions a had while in labor...

I was wrong. 

Warning TMI:
While trying to get accustomed to breastfeeding Mahdi, i somehow managed to get cracked nipples..

I swear.. it's the most painful thing ever.

Everyone tells you how painful giving birth is, but no one bothers to tell you how you will feel like absolute shit afterwards. It's come to the point when Mahdi cries for milk... i wanna cry too.

It's a real struggle cuz i am adamant on giving Mahdi breastmilk for as long as i can.. but it's only been a few days and i feel hopeless and want to give up already. :(

At least i can go home today... and Alia's buying me some Buds nipple cream thats suppose to help heal them. I really hope it works cuz i'm about to reach my pain limit.

Edit: So far this sort of works for immediate relief... but it's kind of gross cuz you have to let it dry up before putting on a bra. It's not like i have all the time in the world to go around topless, trying to dry out my nipples. So in this case the breastpump was the best cure.

Hello there Due Date.

URGHHHHH!!!!

I haven't been able to sleep for the pass two nights due to these increasingly painful contractions. I literally feel like crap right now.

Hoping this will all end soon, since today IS my due date after all. Muuzi took the day off work to be with me just incase anything went down... plus we had our Dr's appointment in selayang so he would have had to take half day anyway.

Anyway, that afternoon we made the trip to Selayang Hospital (for the 3rd time this week) to meet Dr. Roslan, who will be delivering our baby (hopefully soon).

To my dismay, he told me that the contractions that i am currently having are actually very mild (wtf!?) and i am definitely in pre-labor right now, so it's gonna take about a day... or three.

Honestly, my body just feels like it's going to self destruct... i know i am not suppose to complain so much and be positive.. blablabla.
But i've been stressing out about the due date for what seems like weeks now.. and for it to finally be here and have to be told to wait a little longer.

Arghhh.. i am tired, restless and stressed out of my mind.. and frankly i am starting to worry that everything will go terribly wrong. :(

Ask and you shall receive..

Urgh..

U know how i've been complaining about not getting my Braxton Hicks contractions and not really knowing what a contraction feels like?

I take it back..

I finally started getting contractions around 2am this morning.. And daaaammmnnn it hurts.

As per Dr's advice, we drove straight to the hospital in selayang and after another rigorous round of poking and prodding, i was told to go home.. Yet again.

I can't say i wasn't disappointed to be dismissed again (i might have cried.. a little, due to frustration). I was reassured that the baby is fine, and it won't be long now.

Am getting so anxious.. And these contractions are getting worst and more painful. I don't know how much more i can take :(

I am meeting with my OB, Dr Roslan on friday and hopefully we'll have better news by then.

The False Alarm

Sigh...

After spending a few droning hours in Selayang Hospital to get checked out.. it was concluded that i AM currently in early labor.

But it's really early, so it might take a couple more days.. urgh.
I really feel discouraged... like this is never gonna end.